more than mush

couchpotato

And so the exams are over.  Another cycle has completed- only to return next year.  Of course yes, I am having fun but this time I want it to be different- I want to make every day well spent.

There's this med student- she's a senior- I don't know her personally but I am on her emailing list for volunteer work- the sheer effort she puts into protecting the vulnerable and fighting injustice in this city Melbourne is just... mind-blowing that she would actually bother- and she does it her own way.  So admirable!  I want to be like her!

And I just watched the Hillsong United film 'We're All In This Together'.  Frankly from the point of view of a merciless film critic, the film would have not garnered much rave reviews.  But I really took away these points from the film:

1. A lot of change, revolutionary change in this world was done by the youth- I had no idea the William Wilberforce started fighting slavery around the age of 26!  (He persisted fighting slavery for 40+ years- man that IS long!)

2. A lot of change was done via revolution- i.e. drastic change with lots of sacrifice.

3. Until we do something, nothing will be done. (I used to think that change WILL come- and its up to us whether we want to be a part of it or not- but if all of us thought that way and just waited...)

As a friend said- it all seemed very surreal that we stepped right back into the culture of consumerism (cliche cliche), of gratifying my wants NOW and the idea that it's all about me after watching such human desolation and poverty.  Hmmm...  I have to admit I am one of those who perpetuate the culture.

Sometimes I can despair over the fact that what I am currently doing is pretty insignificant- not that I despise the small things- but sometimes I do wonder if I am not spending my time and energy at the right things.  I guess I have to spend more time seeking Him as to where He wants me to go.

I look at my beloved Malaysia- and I think I have become too accepting of a few issues in Malaysia- I need not mention them.  The thing is- things CAN change- it is about how far we are willing to go make the necessary changes...

If you find yourself having nothing to do- just look at your own backyard (not literal) and see how much change needs to sweep this place- it's up to you whether you want to be a part of it or not.

I really do not want to regret living life not investing in things that outlast my lifetime on this earth.

I think it'll be so cool to work in rescue teams that rescue little girls from brothels- lots of courage needed!

So this I pray will be the underlying theme of what I want to spend my holidays doing. I just need to get over the biggest obstacle- myself- and my stupid insecurities that makes me think that I am not good enough to do what God has called me to do.  I just feel- ah- unsatisfied right now.  I don't know how to quite put this into words.

couchpotato

Nope this is not about unshaved armpits.

I was just thinking.  I don't think I am an intrinsically good person.  (I do not want to get into a debate about people's original nature...  this is not what I am about to talk about.)

Compared to others, I have to work harder at being nice.  Come to think of it, I was never a nice kid.  I troubled everyone without a second thought, but I hated it when people troubled me a trifle bit.  I am still like that.

All you benovelent people out there- stop making me feel bad!  Why are you all so good-natured?  You think of nice things to do for other people.  You do not hold grudges against people.  You talk to everyone ever so courteously, ever so funnily, ever so caringly.  You would never lash out on anyone, deserving or not.  You willingly and freely give everything that you have, sharing without calculating the losses incurred.  Your disposition is so pleasant that I could dunk your head in ice-cold water and hold you down for 2 minutes without you doing anything to merit it and you will still thank me for it.

Alright, the last sentence was a definite exaggeration.  But it's close enough I think.

I think being nice/good is a talent, like how some people are better at painting or sports, and how people are not that great in singing or at writing.

For me it is a conscious action, something that I almost have to 'slog' at.  I know that it's not a lone effort, and yes I should let God change me.  But...  you still (I believe) have to practise before you can be truly nice/good... and that is the hard part.  I mean, how can God change me truly if I don't put it into action?

And that is why I work hard at it.  Because this is the one thing I do want to be good at and matters to me most, unlike my many failed attempts to be good at other things.

couchpotato

the eternal struggle ensues.

couchpotato

Today's paper frazzled me.  I tried to take a nap but could not sleep until I made myself stop thinking about the paper.

Urrrgghhh this feeling of helplessness and having to depend on God.  What a blend of feelings!

Hope everyone's keeping alive and well!

couchpotato

Have you ever heard of Tommy Cooper?  He was a famous stand-up comedian of the second half of the 20th century.  Anyway was checking out his Wikipedia entry and found out he died on stage.  So curiosity got the better of me (against my better judgement) and I went and watched the video when he slumped and died while performing a magic/comedic act.  Regret!  Not a happy video to watch.  It's on Youtube if you're curious, but trust me, you won't make yourself feel better watching it.

I've been thinking about all the tricks that I've played on people throughout my life, and unfortunately, I think 90% of the time I have pissed people off with it instead of eliciting a laugh from them.  I always either pick a tactless, probably even tasteless, trick, or I pick the wrong person, or I pick the wrong time.

I've tried:

1. (This is my most famous trick- though not sensational, it's pretty daring for someone like me.)  I chalked my teacher's seat and wrote 'No Parking' on it with a bunch of friends (the idea came from Malory Towers and the Bookworm Club), and my teacher duly sat on it without knowing.  I think some of us nearly wanted to die from choked laughter after the class was over, seeing 'No Parking' flash on my teacher's behind like that.

That kind of thing appealed to my impish 12-year old mind.

2. Then I tried this lame joke- I put glue on one side of the coin, and stuck it to the ground at school.  I asked Li Leng (she was a Form 5 senior while I was in Form 2) to pick it up- which she duly did.  The coin was supposed to stick on the floor but it didn't, instead the glue from all my efforts spilled all over her hands.  Screams to be heard.

Now it isn't very funny.  But I thought it was then.  Weird.

3. This was when I decided I officially sucked at planning tactful, safe, funny tricks.  Michelle and I thought it would be a shame to let April Fool's last year just pass by like that.  So we THOUGHT it would be funny to pretend Michelle was in hospital after an accident, and to get a bunch of my hostel mates to actually go there.

Now I KNOW it's not funny.  But I don't know why my sense of humour was so warped.

Anyway people did fall for it.  But woah- were some of them angry after they found out...

This is why I think I'll have to retire (more like I was fired) from my practical pranking on other people.  Apparently I'm not very funny.

I wonder why I have such a penchant of doing such things- it's either because I have been tricked so many times, of course not harmfully, by other people, or because there's just something about tricking others that gives you that self-superior sense of yourself- that you can beguile people into falling into your trap.

But I do like people who laugh at themselves after they get tricked and find out, and that was what made me do it... last time

My last proper paper tomorrow!  (I have two exams after that, just that this involves lots of writing and memory work and imagination.  God, You better help me out here because I am rather dumb without You.)