I just feel this urgent need to create. I used to like slacking- but now I don't really like it anymore- wow! Maybe I should change my blog address....
Next on agenda- to actually exercise!
And so the exams are over. Another cycle has completed- only to return next year. Of course yes, I am having fun but this time I want it to be different- I want to make every day well spent.
There's this med student- she's a senior- I don't know her personally but I am on her emailing list for volunteer work- the sheer effort she puts into protecting the vulnerable and fighting injustice in this city Melbourne is just... mind-blowing that she would actually bother- and she does it her own way. So admirable! I want to be like her!
And I just watched the Hillsong United film 'We're All In This Together'. Frankly from the point of view of a merciless film critic, the film would have not garnered much rave reviews. But I really took away these points from the film:
1. A lot of change, revolutionary change in this world was done by the youth- I had no idea the William Wilberforce started fighting slavery around the age of 26! (He persisted fighting slavery for 40+ years- man that IS long!)
2. A lot of change was done via revolution- i.e. drastic change with lots of sacrifice.
3. Until we do something, nothing will be done. (I used to think that change WILL come- and its up to us whether we want to be a part of it or not- but if all of us thought that way and just waited...)
As a friend said- it all seemed very surreal that we stepped right back into the culture of consumerism (cliche cliche), of gratifying my wants NOW and the idea that it's all about me after watching such human desolation and poverty. Hmmm... I have to admit I am one of those who perpetuate the culture.
Sometimes I can despair over the fact that what I am currently doing is pretty insignificant- not that I despise the small things- but sometimes I do wonder if I am not spending my time and energy at the right things. I guess I have to spend more time seeking Him as to where He wants me to go.
I look at my beloved Malaysia- and I think I have become too accepting of a few issues in Malaysia- I need not mention them. The thing is- things CAN change- it is about how far we are willing to go make the necessary changes...
If you find yourself having nothing to do- just look at your own backyard (not literal) and see how much change needs to sweep this place- it's up to you whether you want to be a part of it or not.
I really do not want to regret living life not investing in things that outlast my lifetime on this earth.
I think it'll be so cool to work in rescue teams that rescue little girls from brothels- lots of courage needed!
So this I pray will be the underlying theme of what I want to spend my holidays doing. I just need to get over the biggest obstacle- myself- and my stupid insecurities that makes me think that I am not good enough to do what God has called me to do. I just feel- ah- unsatisfied right now. I don't know how to quite put this into words.
Nope this is not about unshaved armpits.
I was just thinking. I don't think I am an intrinsically good person. (I do not want to get into a debate about people's original nature... this is not what I am about to talk about.)
Compared to others, I have to work harder at being nice. Come to think of it, I was never a nice kid. I troubled everyone without a second thought, but I hated it when people troubled me a trifle bit. I am still like that.
All you benovelent people out there- stop making me feel bad! Why are you all so good-natured? You think of nice things to do for other people. You do not hold grudges against people. You talk to everyone ever so courteously, ever so funnily, ever so caringly. You would never lash out on anyone, deserving or not. You willingly and freely give everything that you have, sharing without calculating the losses incurred. Your disposition is so pleasant that I could dunk your head in ice-cold water and hold you down for 2 minutes without you doing anything to merit it and you will still thank me for it.
Alright, the last sentence was a definite exaggeration. But it's close enough I think.
I think being nice/good is a talent, like how some people are better at painting or sports, and how people are not that great in singing or at writing.
For me it is a conscious action, something that I almost have to 'slog' at. I know that it's not a lone effort, and yes I should let God change me. But... you still (I believe) have to practise before you can be truly nice/good... and that is the hard part. I mean, how can God change me truly if I don't put it into action?
And that is why I work hard at it. Because this is the one thing I do want to be good at and matters to me most, unlike my many failed attempts to be good at other things.
Today's paper frazzled me. I tried to take a nap but could not sleep until I made myself stop thinking about the paper.
Urrrgghhh this feeling of helplessness and having to depend on God. What a blend of feelings!
Hope everyone's keeping alive and well!
