more than mush

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I keep getting these comments- 'You're so motherly' or 'You sound like an old person.'  Sometimes I have had friends or mother having to drag me away from certain items of clothing that I wanted to purchase because it is too 'aunty'.  Ask me to stand in a rock concert and I'll probably die standing.  I nearly did the last time I did stand in one.  I nag like crazy, and explain everything I do.  I am busybody as an aunty- I keep digging out secrets then feeling so bad for doing that. 

I can't think of anything to refute those comments, in fact I find myself agreeing.  So how to get myself more hip and cool? 

...I did have some ideas, but I feel I'll look too ridiculous trying.  And nah, I'll be an Aunty Jo soon enough so there is no point of me trying to fight the incoming tide.

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Sometimes you cannot compare your situation, dreams to others.  Because, just because there has no one who has done what you are dreaming of doing before, it does not mean that it is impossible.  And yet how hard it is to believe that.

 ***

Today Joy, Jess and I met this 35-year-old guy who says he drives the bus around Canning Garden Bercham for 11 years.  He says he has been living in the same room given to him by his boss for 11 years too. 

Often we comfort ourselves with thinking that 'Oh at least he's better off than before', but when can enough be enough?  Just because the person is better off than before, it does not mean that he or she does not need any more help.  And it is not fair that it just ends there while we allow ourselves so many more privileges than that said person.  I don't know whether you get what I mean.

***

Today I received a good lesson of denying any grand illusions, of overly-inflated notions of myself. 

Lately I feel as if God has been pounding me with lessons (not that severe, but hard for my untrained self).  Often I hope (foolishly) that God would think I am not ready, hence He would not discipline me.  But boy, it does hurt sometimes to be called a child of His.

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I was reading Sze Wei's blog just now and I laughed to myself thinking how our old Form 4 class was called 'Heaven' because it was the highest point in school.

Everyday we trudged up the narrow stairs to the highest level in MGS (3rd storey only, but sheer injustice if one compared ourselves to the other Form 4 classes then) to this dingy, almost shack-like classroom.  But it was a great class to be in, despite our sorely underfunded state. 

Courtesy of Ming Lee's pictures:

This picture was taken of our class being super gung-ho to win the Merdeka (National Day) class decoration competition.  Unfortunately my name was not on the red banners, I believe.  Must have been running about doing something.  Or maybe I was just blur.  I don't know :D  Can't remember whether we won or not.

 Since then, the great diaspora has separated many of us...  But I believe that these good times continue.  With us, and without us.

Hate to end this on such a sombre note, so what is my blog without an embarassing picture?

I can't remember whether I actually put up this picture before, anyway:

(L-R) Adilah, Ming, Chee Yan and me.  I was in this English drama district competition, and was playing some depressed father.  Basically got the role because I was already crying, probably because I got a shelling from a teacher (oh, sensitive heart).  It was fun.  Even the eye-liner moustache :S

Darn, now everyone knows I'm a crybaby.  If that wasn't already common knowledge.

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I wonder why we can't just blatantly ask some questions and clear the air and stop wondering. 

But then I think I know exactly why.

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I think it's a chicken-and-egg situation.  Create a law that says something, that will make certain people think they have a right to do certain things their way, that further fortifies the law that was created.

Did we compromise too much?